Escape route

Saying or writing 'acute lymphoblastic leukemia (ALL)' has not become easier over the months. Not one tiny bit. I guess acceptance is not in sight yet - and I might even push myself way too hard to get to that stage.

I google the Italian translation of ALL and accidentely stumble upon details about Kenji's medication on Wikipedia.it. My stomach turns even before I start my intended e-mail to Italy. For almost 3 months I've been postponing a simple cancellation to the landlady of the apartment in Lucca we intended to book. Days before Kenji was diagnosed, we daydreamed of heading to Lucca again this summer. Back to the cappuccino's from the sweet coffee ladies next door, whom we promised "All' anno prossimo". Back to living the good life.

Italy is our once-in-a-year-escape-route. And the wry thing is, now that we we need an escape route more than ever, we cannot travel. No brief trips to Paris or Belfast, let alone a real one to the country where Kenji and I met and our kisses still taste better than anywhere else in the world.

I prepare a tomato and basil sandwich and do my very best to like my food.