Side effects

No matter how 'chemo trained' we have gotten in the past few months, every administration is a new surprise. Never a dull moment when your husband and the father of your children is on chemo therapy.

And even when you read up on sickness, loss of apetite, hair that is falling out and growing back in a totally illogical order, or extreme fatigue, you still don't know what to expect. Amounts of chemo are built up, specific types repeated and side effects rapidly pile up.

Chemo has appointed me peacekeeper. A solitary peacekeeper who softly steers all tumbling emotions. Little Brother is raving mad that papa is too tired to play - again. Big Brother is frightened of papa's weary looks and of the fact that he has to rest - again.

I take the lead and breathe. Take their little hands into mine and listen to their upset voices. Explain gently that papa's fatigue is not papa's fault. That our unified hearts will help him endure. And that our kisses really do him good.
The boys sigh deeply. Walk to the couch and give their papa the softest good night kiss.