Back to square one

I cannot start today's post without first of all mentioning the warmth that your words, emails, postcards and candles bring me. Yesterday's comments simply made the difference on my first night alone. Thank you all for caring so much ♥

It's back to square one. You think by now I would have gotten used to the hospital vibe around the house - the boys acting different without their papa - but I've apparently banned it from my memory. Last night I've been up about ten times, comforting Little Brother repeatedly and a couple of hours later, Big Brother. With four hours of uninterrupted sleep I faced the social calender: a visit to the Artis Zoo with the kids from preschool.

The rain was pouring, yet the boys couldn't be more excited. I didn't want to be the spoilsport and optimistically dressed Big Brother in his new Cars wellies. He glowed with pride and therefor enjoyed every soaking wet minute of the trip. Little Brother was overjoyed that he could come too and bravely walked for two hours until his shoes and socks were so rainy that I called it quits.

I had also forgotten about the utter frustration of being torn between the boys and Kenji, about my inability to be at two places at the same time. Kenji who is getting his first dose of preparatory chemo administered on day -7. The really nasty stuff ánd lots of it, and I cannot sit at his bedside.
"The boys will get in the flow, and so will you. You always have", Kenji reassures me. I open the fridge, grab some eggs and let Little Brother and Big Brother whisk their own omelettes. I make a big pile of omelette sandwiches and let the warm food and the adorable egg-stained faces of the boys calm me down.