Single [2]

After a year of single parenting - some days more single than others, but not
one day like it was before - I thought I knew what this kind of parenting was like. Until yesterday morning I felt what it was like.

After another round of nightly vomiting I notice how dizzy I am. Close to fainting, so I waddle back to bed. Except there is no rest for the mamas: Little Brother's green diarrhea is all over his diaper and pj's and a little later Big Brother throws up in the double bed next to me. I clean up the mess as best as I can and try to get the boys at the breakfast table. In spite of my feverish efforts, every single cell of my body clearly refuses to cooperate.

I literally cannot move forward and it scares the hell out of me. I face the point where trying just a líttle bit harder isn't working any longer. No magic boost button to be found. And I feel desperately alone. As if a big black hole is opening in front of me and is ready to devour us all. My mind races to come up with a solution for the boys; I think of the few single moms I know and what they would do. Call for help. And so I call.

Afterwards I sleep for the entire day and the entire night. If only there were more days like yesterday.